The Dream Saga: With All That I Am
by VyxenSkye
Summary: Fourth in the Dream Saga. Kaoru's worst fear is that of losing Kenshin, the only man that she loves. What would she do if it truly happened? Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

With All That I Am

By: Hitokiri Musei

Rated: T

Summary: Kaoru's worst fear is that of losing Kenshin, the only man that she loves. What would she do if it truly happened? One-shot.

Warning and Disclaimer: Keep in mind; I have not seen/read the episodes/manga for the Shishio part. I don't know what happened here, this is just an interpretation I have. I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Enjoy and please review!

* * *

Something was wrong. Kaoru knew it as she waited in the growing dark. She twisted her hands nervously, chewing on her lower lip. Megumi, standing beside her, was quiet, but Kaoru could tell that she was just as nervous as she was. Kenshin and Sano were still gone, and they were getting later and later. Time was passing, and there was still no sign of the man that she loved.

Her hand dropped to fist in her blue hakama, her other traveling up to play with the lingering end of her ebony colored ponytail. She had a habit of playing with her hair when she was nervous, and she twisted it around her fingers.

Megumi sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright Kaoru. Kenshin and Sano can take care of themselves. They'll be alright."

She sighed. "I know… I just can't help being worried…" She sucked her bottom lips into her mouth again, chewing on it worriedly. "They were supposed to be back long ago…"

Megumi looked ahead of them again. "We don't know that. They weren't sure what time they were going to back Kaoru, they were in a battle."

She closed her eyes, looking down fighting back tears of fear. "I know…"

It wasn't until she heard Megumi's cry of horror that she looked up again. The previously held in tears began to flow when she saw Sano staggering towards her, a tiny, limp figure in his arms. "KENSHIN!" she screamed, lunging forward.

Sano made it to her, and then sank to his knees, exhausted. "Jou-chan…"

She looked up into the ex-street-fighter's face, searching for the truth she wasn't sure she wanted to see. "Sano…"

He set Kenshin's motionless body down, and then fell heavily into a sitting position, too tired to remain upright. Kenshin didn't move, and Kaoru reached for him hesitantly. She brushed her fingers over his cheek, sweeping the crimson bangs away from his face. "Oh Kenshin… Oh Kami-sama, iie…"

Kenshin's face was as pale as snow, stained with blood and dried sweat. His gi was gone, shredded and hanging from the top of his stained hakama. She ran her eyes over his bruised and damaged chest and stomach, nearly crying when she saw the stab wound in his side. The blood was still flowing sluggishly from the injury, beginning to soak the dirt.

Megumi was beside her in an instant, placing a gentle hand on his pulse point. "Oh Kami, we have to get him back home!" She lifted his left arm, draping it over his shoulder and trying to stand and haul his limp body up with him. "Help me Kaoru, or he may not make it!"

Those words snapped Kaoru out of her horrified daze, and she lifted Kenshin's right arm and repeated Megumi's actions. Together to the women got his thin body up and off the ground, and then they were able to get to the dojo. Sano stood shakily and followed them, stumbling slightly.

Once they were within the dojo Megumi and Kaoru lay Kenshin on a futon, and Megumi shot into action. Kaoru helped Sano to a position where he leaned against the wall. Megumi instantly began to deal with Kenshin's numerous injuries, cleaning, stitching, and bandaging wounds.

Kaoru watched with a numb body, barely able to realize what was happening right before her eyes. Kenshin was seriously injured, and close to death. Maybe already dying…

Megumi worked for hours, and Sano eventually fell into a sleep, or maybe unconsciousness, Kaoru wouldn't know. When the lady doctor finally moved back from Kenshin it was morning, and Kaoru was struggling to keep awake.

Megumi shook Kaoru as she left the room, sadness on her face. "Kaoru, you can go in now if you want. But I don't know if he'll respond to you. I've got to go take care of Sano now. Keep the cloth on Ken-san's forehead cool, and call me if anything seems wrong."

Kaoru nodded, standing and going into the room. Kenshin's bandaged form lay still in the middle of the room, like nothing but a ghost of the former rurouni. Kaoru knelt beside him, tears filling her eyes as she saw his deathly pale features and flushed cheeks. There was a cold wet cloth on his forehead, and Kaoru knew that some of his injuries must have been infected.

She lifted the cloth, surprised to find it already warm. She touched his forehead and gasped in fear, instantly rewetting the cloth and replacing it on Kenshin's skin. He didn't react at all, and this worried Kaoru more. His fever was high, higher than any fever Kaoru had ever had to deal with, and it was seriously frightening.

She barely noticed the warm tears running down her cheeks as she sat and watched the rurouni struggle for each breath. She picked up one of his hands; he was uncovered by any blanket, and squeezed it gently. There was no reaction in his fingers, and she ran her fingers comfortingly over the back of his hand. She had nothing else to do while she watched him, and touching him made her feel a little better.

After a little while she switched the cloth again, brushing her fingers across Kenshin's cheek on the way back. His skin was so warm, sweat trailing down his face and neck. She couldn't hold in the sob. "Oh Kenshin…"

There was no response again, and Kaoru buried her face in her hands, crying for a moment. She was startled out of her sobbing by the feeling of hand on her knee. She looked down into fever-glazed violet eyes, filled with pain. "K-kaoru-do-no…"

His voice was halting, so quiet she could hardly hear him. It was full of pain and suffering, and it was obvious to her that he was doing everything he could to keep speaking to her. "Kenshin!" she gasped.

"Kaoru…" he breathed, and Kaoru was shocked at the lack of the honorific that Kenshin had always attached to her name. "I-I'm s-sorry…"

She put a hand on his cheek. "Don't be sorry Kenshin, you don't need to be! There's no reason at all for it!"

But Kenshin was already drifting again, his eyes fluttering closed again. His brief moment of awareness had been dashed beneath fever and pain, and Kaoru's hope died. She had hoped that he would be alright because of that, but maybe she was wrong. Kenshin's face was growing paler, and his breathing was getting shallower.

"Kenshin…" she whispered. "Kenshin, wake up… Please…"

This time Kenshin didn't move. He had sunk fully back into his deep sleep, leaving her alone again. She sniffled, replacing the cloth on his forehead with shaky hands. The water was refreshing on her fingers, and she steeled herself, stopping her tears and gaining hope again.

"You'll be okay Kenshin…" she murmured. "I know you'll make it through…" She smiled slightly. "You'll make it… Because I'm here…And I love you…"

She blushed slightly at her own brave declaration, even though she knew Kenshin couldn't hear her. She settled herself down to keep watch over her redhead.

* * *

Kaoru woke with a start, looking around her in confusion. She rubbed her eyes slightly, blinking away sleep. 'I dozed off…' she thought dazedly, and then she gasped. 'Oh no, Kenshin!'

She looked down into his peaceful face, still pale and still. But something was different. The flush to his cheek was gone, and his face was no longer tight with pain and suffering. Was he alright now?

Kaoru reached down tentatively, pulling back the cloth and feeling his forehead. What she felt frightened her.

Kenshin's skin was alarmingly cool; there was no more heat at all. Kaoru's fear began to grow, and she studied his body. It was then she realized the problem with the picture in front of her.

Kenshin's chest wasn't rising and falling with his steady breath. It wasn't even uneven. There was no movement at all. Kaoru put her hand on his pulse point, but there was no steady beat.

She screamed.

Megumi came running in from where she was tending to Sano to find Kaoru pressing herself against Kenshin's still body, sobs wrenching from her throat. The woman doctor ran forward, touching her shoulder. "Kaoru! Kaoru what's wrong?"

"It's my fault! I didn't watch him! It's my fault!" she sobbed, clenching her hands into fists and pounding the floor on the other side of Kenshin's body.

Megumi pulled her off, checking Kenshin and then realizing what was wrong. Kenshin had died sometime during the day, and Kaoru thought that it was her fault because she had drifted off. The woman had to hold back her tears as she pulled a blanket up and over Kenshin's face, marking him as one of the deceased.

She turned to Kaoru, pulling the sobbing girl into her arms. "Kaoru, it's not your fault. Ken-san was close to death, it's not your fault. He just…slipped away."

Kaoru sobbed into her shoulder, shaking her head. "If I had been watching him then you might have been able to save him! He might have lived! He might still be here!"

* * *

Kaoru awoke to shaking. "Kaoru! Wake up itoshii!"

She opened her eyes to see Kenshin's worried face. She gasped for breath, still shaking off the memory of the dream. "K-Kenshin?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Kaoru, finally." He settled back on his side on their futon. "Are you okay itoshii? You were screaming my name and crying."

She snuggled close to his bare chest for comfort and he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm okay anata…I'm just afraid."

She felt his breath in her hair. "What were you dreaming about?"

"When you were injured after the fight with Shishio," she murmured. "I dreamed that you'd died during the day while I was asleep."

In truth Kenshin had lived through Karou's nap, and healed well. Kaoru's fears had always been that he would have died, but thankfully he had kept breathing through the day, slow and shallow.

Kenshin hugged her tighter. "It's okay Kaoru. I would never leave you."

Kaoru buried her nose in a wave of crimson hair that flowed over her husband's shoulder, breathing in his scent of ginger and the wild. "I know anata. But I can't help my fears."

He chuckled slightly. "Hai, I suppose." His lips settled on her hair, resting there. "And I love you for that, that I do itoshii."

Kaoru leaned up, kissing his lips gently. He responded to her eagerly, tilting his head slightly. She snaked her arms around his slender waist, pulling herself closer to his lean, muscular body.

She pulled back and rested her head in the crook of his neck, kissing his throat softly. "Aishiteru my Kenshin."

He squeezed her gently. "Aishiteru mo my koishii. And I will always be here for you."


	2. Version 2

Version 2

Kaoru was worried, more than normal. She just knew something was wrong, even though she couldn't pinpoint it. Kenshin was acting strangely, and she still wasn't sure why. All day he had been avoiding her, and she wasn't sure what reason the redhead would have to do so. It wasn't until he finally showed himself to her that she became more worried.

"Could I borrow Yahiko for a moment Kaoru-dono?" he asked with his usual rurouni smile.

She frowned. She was currently training with the boy, but she nodded slowly. "Sure Kenshin. But what do you need him for?"

He shook his head. "No reason, I just want his help for a moment. Nothing important. I'll have him back in a moment."

Yahiko shrugged at her when she gave him a questioning look, but he followed Kenshin away from her. Kaoru sat in silence, watching the direction they had gone curiously. Yahiko returned fairly quickly, a confused look on his face.

"Well that was strange…" he murmured, taking his shinai from where he had placed it in his belt.

Kaoru's frown grew deeper. "What Yahiko?"

He didn't even bother to call her his usual names. He just looked at her with a confused look still on his face. "Kenshin wanted me to help with the laundry basket."

Kaoru blinked. "Laundry basket?"

"He had me carry it inside. When I asked him why he needed me to do it he just said that his back and his knees were protesting against him more than usual and he couldn't lift it without pain." Yahiko murmured, dropping into his stance in front of her.

Kaoru took up her position, saying nothing about this information. Her mind, however, was racing. 'Couldn't lift the laundry basket? Something is not right, this has never happened before…'

The two went about their sparring, and neither noticed Kenshin calmly watching from the dojo, the sadness in his violet eyes accelerating from its usual intensity to fill his entire frame. The redhead sighed, and then turned to go back into the building, ready to make some dinner for the little 'family.'

* * *

That night Kaoru couldn't sleep. She could still sense something was wrong, and it was keeping her from sleeping peacefully. She instead sat outside, staring up at the night sky with pensive blue eyes.

At dinner Kenshin had again let something slip to her. While he had been eating his movements hadn't been as smooth and graceful as they usually were. He had moved with the stiffness of someone who was the age he actually was, in his early thirties. Usually Kenshin moved with the sureness of a teenager, not an aging man, and this was worrying to Kaoru.

On the way back to her room that night she had caught sight of him just outside his room. He had been leaning against the shoji frame, breathing heavy and strained. One hand had been fisted in his gi just above his heart, and his face had been pale and tight with pain. She had almost broken off to go see what was wrong with him, but as suddenly as she had seen this he straightened and went into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Kaoru frowned in her musings. She had to confront Kenshin about this problem; it was unsettling and not helping her nerves at all. She stood with a sigh, going back into her room and laying down on her futon. She lay there for hours before she finally fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

Kaoru woke up fairly early, going into the kitchen and starting some water for tea. She hoped that the warm liquid would help sooth her nerves, and help her get up the courage to ask Kenshin what was wrong with him when he awoke.

But he didn't wake when he usually did. Yahiko came into the kitchen while she was sipping her tea, but there was still no sign of the little redhead. Kaoru frowned into her cup, setting it down and getting ready to stand.

Before she could stand, however, Kenshin came into the room, still dressed in his yukata and tying his hair back tiredly. She then noticed something else that worried her. While his hands were back twisting the tie around his fiery locks his face was tensed, as though he was trying to hide pain. And there was one more thing. He was limping, with both legs.

Kaoru stood, going to his side as he stumbled slightly. "Kenshin, are you alright?"

He smiled his rurouni smile. "Daijobou Kaoru-dono, daijobou."

She frowned. "Don't you dare tell me that Kenshin, something is wrong here. You've been acting strangely, tell me what's wrong."

Still he retained that infuriating smile, shaking his head slightly. "Nothing is wrong Kaoru-dono. My joints are just a little stiff, I'm fine, I promise. You have no need to worry. It's just my body getting old."

She blinked, releasing the hold she had on his arm. 'Getting old? Kenshin?' This shocked her to her core. Kenshin wasn't old; he was hardly up there in the years. Many people lived much longer than this, up into their 60s and 70s. Kenshin was only 32!

Kenshin sat stiffly, pouring himself some tea and sipping the warm liquid. Kaoru sat back at her spot slowly, still watching him uncertainly. But nothing more happened to raise her suspicions, and the morning passed without any more mishaps.

Kaoru kept a close eye on Kenshin for the rest of the day, and she saw that he kept limping throughout the entire day. His normally smooth gait had been changed into a strange halting walk that he seemed to use with pain and stiffness.

It continued until that night, when Kaoru again saw something that worried her out of her mind. On her way back to the dojo from her bath she spotted Kenshin standing outside of his room. She hid herself behind the wall, watching him with curiosity. He stood silently for only a moment, when suddenly he let out a soft cry of pain, hand clutching his chest. He bent over, slowly sinking to his knees on the floor. Kaoru started to move to his side, but again the pain left as quickly as it had come.

She frowned as she watched him go back into the dojo, breath heavy and face pale. She could see the shaking in his entire frame, and this was something that she positively knew was not natural. She stood a little straighter. It was time to confront the redhead about this problem, and tomorrow was when she would do it.

* * *

Kaoru stood quietly outside of Kenshin's door. She had not been able to work up the courage to confront Kenshin all day, and every time she had gotten close to doing so he had either distracted her, or given a reason to go some place. It was now late at night, and she finally had a moment to catch him unawares.

She knocked on the shoji frame gently, waiting for either his soft voice or the sound of his footsteps. But there was neither, and Kaoru knocked a little harder. "Kenshin?"

There was no response, and she knocked again, putting her other hand on the door worriedly. "Kenshin, answer me!"

There was a moan from the room, and with that Kaoru pushed the door open, worried now beyond her mind. She instantly ran to Kenshin's side when she'd closed the door behind her, not wanting Yahiko to see.

Kenshin was curled in a fetal position on his futon, sweat running down his deathly pale features. His hands were clenching over his heart, slender fingers tangled in the cloth of his yukata. His entire frame screamed his pain, and Kaoru was terrified at his condition. "Kenshin!" she called softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Kenshin, what's wrong?"

He just moaned again in response, shivering madly beneath the thin blanket covering his lower body. Kaoru rolled him over so she could examine his chest, but she found no wound, nothing marred his skin. She tangled her fingers in his, pulling on his hand urgently. "Kenshin, talk to me. What's wrong?"

He opened pained violet eyes slowly, focusing on her. "K-Kaoru…" he whispered, leaving off the honorific for the first time that Kaoru had heard in a long time. He began to cough, thin body heaving with the effort.

Horrified, Kaoru pulled him close, holding his face in between her hands when he stopped hacking. "Kenshin!"

He looked at her again. "K-Kaoru… I am sorry…" He pushed her hands away weakly, shaking his head. "Go back to bed Kaoru… I am fine…"

"No you are not!" she said firmly, trying to ignore his pushing hands. She stayed steadily in her spot, but he continued to protest.

"Onegai, I only need some sleep. I'll be fine," he pleaded with her, his eyes begging her to simply go away. "Onegai…"

She stood sharply, making up her mind to go and get Megumi. "Fine Kenshin." She turned and walked from the room, not noticing when Kenshin's body went limp and he fell to the futon in a deep sleep born of exhaustion.

Kaoru ran from the dojo, going as quickly as she could to the clinic. She pounded on the door, shouting Megumi's name. When the woman finally came to the door tears were flowing down Kaoru's cheeks without her consent.

Megumi looked haggard and exhausted when she opened the door, but the sight of Kaoru's face snapped her out of her daze immediately. "Kaoru, what's wrong?" she asked in a business-like manner.

"It's Kenshin!" the girl forced out. "Something's wrong with him, and he won't tell me what it is! You have to come and look at him!"

Megumi nodded, running out after her even though she was in her sleeping yukata. The two women ran through the night, running back to the dojo.

Kaoru led Megumi into the dojo and to Kenshin's room, where the shoji still stood open where Kaoru had left it in her haste. Kenshin was still on the futon where he had been when she'd left, motionless.

Megumi ran forward, turning him over onto his back. His face was pale, and Megumi saw what Kaoru did not. She put two fingers on his pulse point, and then tears welled up in her eyes. Kaoru looked at her in fear. "Megumi?"

The older woman looked up at her, sorrow in her brown eyes. "I am so sorry Kaoru…"

Kaoru frowned, the tears beginning to flow down her face once more. "N-nani? What do you mean?"

Megumi looked down at Kenshin, slowly drawing the thin blanket up and over his unresponsive face. "Ken-san is dead Kaoru…"

Kaoru gasped. "Iie… That can't be! How? Why?"

Megumi shook her head. "It looks as though he just slipped away in the night. His heart gave up."

Kaoru backed away from the covered figure. "Iie. Iie. IIE!"

* * *

Kaoru awoke to shaking. "Kaoru! Wake up itoshii! Onegai, wake up!"

She opened her eyes to see Kenshin's worried face. She gasped for breath, still shaking off the memory of the dream. "K-Kenshin?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Kaoru, finally." He settled back on his side on their futon. "Are you okay itoshii? You were screaming my name and crying."

She snuggled close to his bare chest for comfort and he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm okay anata…I'm just afraid."

She felt his breath in her hair. "What were you dreaming about?"

"I don't know where I came up with it…" she murmured. "I dreamed that your heart failed. You started to act all old, you said that your joints were paining you, you had heart pains, and then you just…died…"

Kenshin held her close. "Oh itoshii…It's okay, I'm here. I would never leave you alone…"

Kaoru buried her nose in a wave of crimson hair that flowed over her husband's shoulder, breathing in his scent of ginger and the wild. "I know anata. But I can't help my fears."

He chuckled slightly. "Hai, I suppose." His lips settled on her hair, resting there. "And I love you for that, that I do itoshii. I guess this means that I'm getting too old for you, ne?"

Kaoru leaned up, kissing his lips gently. He responded to her eagerly, tilting his head slightly. She snaked her arms around his slender waist, pulling herself closer to his lean, muscular body.

She pulled back and rested her head in the crook of his neck, kissing his throat softly. "You could never be too old for me… Aishiteru my Kenshin."

He squeezed her gently. "Aishiteru mo my koishii. And I will always be here for you, no matter what. For the rest of my days…"

* * *

This is the original version that I wrote for this fic, and I wasn't quite sure if I liked as much as I did the other. I thought I'd post it anyway, so please review! 


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